Emilbus: Longing for a Radiant Shared Existence

"Longing", A Self-Portrait

Yesterday I read a long and brilliant piece by

The Starfire Codes by Demi Pietchell

, The Many Shades of Longing: Examining 'Saudade' and Cultural Variations on a Universal Emotion. It is a dive into how several cultures view this special type of emotion. “Saudade is a beautiful word that distills the human experience of longing, nostalgia, and grief for the departed. Its melancholic resonance has no direct translation.” From reading it I reflected on one of the most important emotions I work with as an artist, a type of longing, that is slightly different than saudade.

In the vast landscape of human emotions, there exists a unique and evocative sentiment — emilbus, the longing for a radiant shared existence. It is a concept that transcends conventional definitions, an ethereal desire that beckons us towards a yearning for brilliance and positivity. This profound longing bears resemblance to the Portuguese term "Saudade," yet distinguishes itself by the absence of sorrow. It is a longing with an inherent optimism, a beacon guiding us towards a harmonious and luminous shared reality.

Emilbus, the longing for a radiant shared existence, carries a wistful hopefulness, an aim for an existence characterized by brilliance and positivity. It is an aspiration for a reality where friends share their luminosity as if it is the most natural thing in the world to do.

The beauty of this concept lies in our evolving nature and its departure from the somber undertones of emotions of homesickness, yearning, and escapism. The idea behind the concept is that we have solved the problems, done the hard work finding the essence of our spirit, the one that wants to rise up, that wants love, connection, and meaningful things to do. To refine our psychological detective work, authentically sorting through the dead ends and finding the root causes of the problems holding us back, essentially to arrive at our core of love — ultimately celebrating our naked essence without any apology.

Emilbus, the longing for a radiant shared existence, was the emotional concept behind my self-portrait, Longing. I painted this over a six month period ending in the winter months. I was living in Rhodes, Greece, and I was feeling this emilbus/longing so intensely that I willingly spent three hours every evening posing in a mirror while I painted it.

An interesting thing that by immersing in a painting’s theme, the artist manifests in him/herself that characteristic. If you spend a year expressing victimhood, it becomes ingrained in your character, if you choose exaltation, and can express it in your artwork, you become more comfortable and easy with the sublimest of emotions.

Emilbus is “sublime” spelt backwards, and I thought it was appropriate. We normally see the sublime as something that exists perfectly, as the absolute great or best. But in reversing it we go to the beginning and work our way towards achieving it as a process.

When I was younger I used to be embarrassed and shy, and even I had a sense of guilt about my intense feelings of love and emilbus. They were emotions that attracted bullies, and a few were family members, more powerful than I was at the time. My love of painting saw me through as I could invest everything I had into this creative pursuit, and create special concrete thing. I grew into sharing my deepest loving feelings through art, and consequently gained an ease in my character. Funny, I also have a critical side, that is a natural consequence of fearlessly resolving problems.

I hope you enjoyed this post.

Michael Newberry, Idyllwild, December 13, 2003.